How to Recognize A Narcissistic Wound

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Surely you don't have a narcissistic wound?  It wasn’t that bad, it’s normal, isn’t it?

A lot of people have attention-seeking parents.

It’s fine, they’re just a bit insecure. Things were tough in their day.

You are used to your needs never being met; putting other people’s needs first and, knowing what everyone wants.  Yet no one has a clue what you need! You are not even sure if they care.

You wander around in life unsure of what change it is that you do want, but you know a change is needed.

 

Welcome to the World of Narcissistic Wounding


When you have grown up with a narcissist, whether they were covert, overt, or pathological, they left a mark.

It’s likely you’re utterly clueless when it comes to this. It was all OK right? Your parents might have been a little self-absorbed but narcissistic? That seems a little harsh.

Or is it?

If you experience any of these in your life, it is likely you have a narcissistic wound.

It doesn’t mean you’re a narcissist, it means you have been wounded by one over a prolonged period of time.  A narcissistic wound leaves you with some of these traits:

 

Imposter Syndrome: You’re a Perfectionist Who Has Impossibly High Standards


Whenever you do something well or you want to do something that’s just for you, you panic. You look around wondering when you are going to be found out. You think someone will call you out as an imposter, a fake, or someone who really isn’t good enough.

 
Overachiever or paralyzed by perfection?  Those behaviors can spring from a narcissistic wound

Everything you do is geared towards overachieving or utter paralysis just in case you do it wrong.

When you’re training in something new, you have always believed that you need ‘just one more qualification’ before you’ll be good enough to be out there with the best of them.

 

You Quake at the Idea of Telling Your Parents About Anything New In Your Life 


You are a grown adult entitled to your own life, yet you find yourself trotting off to your parents for approval.

 
What scares you the most about this?  The narcissistic wound creates a lot of fear

It’s definitely scary. It’s always terrifying to tell them you’ve just got an amazing promotion or a new car.

Why? It’s because you just know, they’ll pick holes in it or will ‘knowingly’ side-eye each other before one parent drops in with a negative comment, for example – “How can YOU afford that?”

You leave feeling deflated or wondering if you really should have bought a car with your own hard-earned cash!  By their behavior, they sink their teeth into the narcissistic wound they have created in you.

 

Why Don’t They Like Me? The Crisis When Someone Does Not Immediately Like You

If someone doesn’t immediately like you, you feel like the awkward teenager in the school corridor rejected by the popular gang.

 
Old rejection cycles kick in

Having gone through a lot of rejection cycles at home during early life, your unconscious takes you straight back there even if the person/people currently giving off hostility mean nothing to you.

You can’t just shrug it off, the feeling follows you around and eventually you end up in a deep dark place plotting your revenge, or you just feel completely alone in the world.

 

You Don’t Know Who You Really Are 

You’re not sure what you want or even what you think you want. Nothing seems to feel right, and an empty numbness follows you around.

This is classically brought to life with the ‘stage mother’ archetype.

You as the child, are managed by the mother who hopes to remedy her own disappointments by having you live through her lens – this has been her expectations of your achievements or talents.

 

The expectation paradox created by the narcissistic wound


However, when you don’t live up to those exaggerated expectations, love is withdrawn, and her disappointment is revealed.

The child then withdraws their inner connection with their real self to hold onto the mother.

Now, in adulthood, you have no idea what makes you tick. You unconsciously regard your own enjoyment as a possible source of abandonment.

A further consequence is your subconscious regards full enjoyment of any activity as potentially risky behavior.

 

Most Importantly You Want to Be Real…


Who is the real me?

If you have asked yourself this question, you are on the verge of wanting to heal your narcissistic wound.

If you are questioning the nature of the real you, it means you can feel your ‘real self’ under the persona you thought you needed to create to be accepted.

 

Stepping back into your real self


The first step back into your real self is to understand the journey you have been through.

This doesn’t mean you have to play any blame or shame games, it means you first need to understand the type of narcissistic character you have been imprinted by, and to accept you have a narcissistic wound that is ready for healing and release.

When you understand the pattern of the narcissist's 'spell’ and ‘imprint’ you can recover the real you.

You just want to feel encouraged, to plant your own future, to feel happy about your choices. Doesn’t everyone deserves that? 

If you’re ready to change your life and heal your narcissistic wound…

 

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